Iambic, hear me roar

"So tell me, how's your sonnet coming on?"

"Not bad. Still trying to work out how to do iambic pentameter."

"And have you figured out iambic yet?"

"I'm not sure. You want to take a look at it?"

"I'll look it over once, see what I think. I have a background in the theatre."

"Here you go. Thanks."

"...Went right over your head, didn't it."

"What?"

"Never mind. Okay... yeah, some of these are close. You just need to add an extra down-beat here and here, and... um... this one doesn’t work."

"What's the matter with it?"

"It's-- okay, this one, too... and this... See, you're stuck in a Dr. Seuss mode. You're defaulting to four beats per line, not five."

"But there are ten syllables."

"But only four beats. Four up-beats... or down-beats... see, I can do this, I just don't know the technical terms. GIVE us their MONey and PROfits will GROW. DA-da-da-DA-da-da-DA-da-da-DA. Four strong beats. You need five iambic beats, five iambs. That's where the name comes from. da-DA, da-DA, da-DA, da-DA, da-DA."

"Give US the MONey AND proFITS will GROW..."

"See, you're stressing the wrong syllables there. You say BATtle, not batTLE. Try saying the line naturally, then say it in slow motion, then hum the beat. GIVE us their MONey and PROfits will GROW. DA-da-da-DA-da-da-DA-da-da-DA. See?"

"Yeah, I think I get it. So... da-DA da-DA..."

"And put the stressed syllable on the strong beat."

"So, end with 'will GROW'... and put MON-ey and PRO-fits here and here..."

"Or not money, if you can't get that to work, try a synonym..."

"Cash... try this... give us their cash and our profits will grow-- our profits grow--"

"Give US their CASH and DA-da PROfits GROW..."

"We NEED their CASH to MAKE our PROfits GROW."

"By George, I think he's got it."

"I've got something."

"The RAIN in SPAIN falls MAINly ON the PLAIN."

"No, it doesn't."

"What?"

"There aren't any plains in Spain."

"Please tell me you know where that's from."

"Various cartoons?"

"...Get out of my office."